I Decline Too Many Requests

It is unfortunate on one hand but it saves me a lot of headache on the other hand. So there's definitely a positive side to declining most of the requests that come my way. When I set out to write that current mission as I did, I had a vision in mind. I wanted to enable my dreams while inspiring that in others. And I do believe that inspiring people to follow their truest dreams and heartfelt desires is a way of enabling them to do so.

This month I have received a total of 8 requests so far, 7 of which were immediately declined. Let's compare that with last month which saw 7 total requests and 2 offers. Of the 7 requests, I accepted 3 people. And of the 2 offers I sent out, only one was accepted. 

The biggest mistake that couchsurfers make when requesting is that they ignore my profile completely. This is not only my concern but also a concern shared by many Ambassadors and hosts alike. And that's why many seasoned and pioneer members have adopted certain principles to detect the fake copy and paste requests from the true ones. Most people have written on their profile that a certain keyword be mentioned in the request or that certain questions be answered. I took it one step further and invited all genuine couchsurfers to come and co-create with me on common interest projects.

This is not just a "write the keyword FROG and I will accept your request" kind of agreement I have set up. This is an agreement that enables dreams - mine and those of others. And many couchsurfers have come through who have honoured that agreement, talked to me about my projects, and even participated in co-creating with me. Knowing that such quality surfers are out there, why should I give my time, my place, and my energy to those couchsurfers who were "too much in a rush" to read my profile. Yes, this is one of the reasons I get from people whose requests I decline. I understand but I don't like it. It's also far from my idea of travelling. When I am out on the road, I like taking my time, taking detours, getting lost, ending up in places I've never heard of, and letting life move me deeply as a result. So as much as I do understand those travellers who are still in "too busy" mode I wish they would understand what I'm getting at here. I decline too many requests. And I don't like it.

Here is a beautifully cooperated incidence of co-creation by Couchsurfing. Mélodie stayed with me and we worked together on some dance videos. She really connected with the idea of co-creating a freestyle choreography. This is an excellent idea of how Couchsurfing enables dreams. This is one of three videos we co-created.

I want to allow a world of travellers to pass through. I really do. I wish I could co-create with many surfers. I have received requests from people coming from rare and unique places and hated having to decline them just to be fair to the dozens of others I declined for the same reasons. I would have loved to have Mongolia and Greece show up on my orange map, but I'm sad to say I had to decline. It's not about the map. But it is about making a true connection with couchsurfers. 

I do understand that some people aren't native English speakers and what I have written in my current mission flies over their heads. But you don't need to understand what I have written. Just ask about it! There have been CSers who stated that they have no idea what I am talking about but they asked! And that's the important thing. And asking is enough to get yourself through the door. And I have it written in the same paragraph that you can ask about it. 

And then there are also people who upon receiving my declination message, go on to state that they had actually read my profile but forgot or failed to mention the required information for some reason. That's funny but not amusing enough to win my heart. 

Another funny fail on the part of declined surfers is the mistake of telling me that my profile is amazing. "Your profile is great. Your references are outstanding." Oh...why? What made you think so? What stood out for you? And most importantly, if my profile is so great, didn't you see what I wrote in my current mission? What kind of contradiction is that? The current mission is the first section of the profile and you say it's amazing. Then why don't you honour my request of mentioning what I wrote in my current mission? Telling me my profile is great but offering no indications as to why is far from greatness.

Also dear readers, I am adamant in declining poorly written requests. Before when I was more lenient, I allowed a handful of surfers to come who had written poor requests. I gave them a chance. The same people who are cheap with their time and don't give the profile the necessary attention are cheap with their friendship too. They come here and treat this place like a free hostel. They act ridiculous like I owe them something. One girl even fought me for trying to bring this up to her. I had said that her request could have been much better and she started arguing with me. "I don't give a shit about the request!" is something that flew out of her mouth in her state of arrogant rage. Excuse me for trying to educate you.

Many couchsurfers are new. They started using the platform on the app. Before the app, there was only the website. And in the early days there were two text boxes for surfers to fill in when making requests. In the first text box, they were guided to talk about the nature of their trip. In the second text box, they were guided to explain why they think they would get along with this host. So reading the profile and mentioning certain aspects from it was a clear requirement. In no part of the request were they guided to talk about themselves and who they are. That's what the profile is for. And some people go on and on about themselves, often having repeated the same information on their profile. No thank you.

Two people made two very similar mistakes in their requests to me. recently I'm embarassed to report that one of them was by a fellow Ambassador. He just said that my current mission looks interesting. But had it truly interested him, wouldn't it have been best to honour it? It says to mention or ask about my co-creating projects with CSers. OK, I will admit. This one comes close. I might have allowed that but I was also sick at the time. Another surfer wrote that he had seen my blog. It's not enough to say that you've simply seen it. In the second paragraph of my current mission, I ask people to mention anything I've written about [on the blog] in their request. It didn't help that this surfer continued the request by talking all about himself. And when I checked out his profile, it said that he was learning Turkish and had lived in Turkey. That's an excellent piece of information you should bring up in your request.

How do I write a good couch request? This is a question every new member should ask and it's also the title of an article in the Couchsurfing Help Center. I send this link to new members I had to decline. I don't send it to experienced surfers who should know better. My purpose is to educate and I perceive there to be a great demand for this kind of education I want to provide all couchsurfers. It's nice when some surfers who got declined write back to me thanking me for taking the time and effort to provide them with this valuable information. It's a pity when I see people trying to fight me from their declined and sorry state.

And so I reach out to all couchsurfers to help me become a better member myself. Perhaps my wording needs to be clearer and I am considering cleaning it up. Perhaps you have some soul-utions to provide me. Or perhaps you can guide me further in my pursuit of merging my ultimate dreams with Couchsurfing. Let's co-create and make Couchsurfing better than ever. Don't wait for technical improvements from the people working on the app. Work on your attitude and your approach to other members. Couchsurfing is an amazing vision for the planet. It's a platform that is uplifting humanity. Let us be instruments in this great upliftment. 

Tibor's stay with me was another excellent example of enabling dreams. Tibor wrote a poem which we recorded. Now this track is published on my bandcamp. Tibor and I got along very well and he ended up coming back to stay with me a second time. Tibor would then go on to fulfill his dream of visiting the African continent.

Many people are travelling because it was their ultimate dream to do so. I love all of these stories of people having quit their jobs to travel. These people inspire others and I want to enable them to inspire even more people. I honour those who have the courage to walk in the direction of their dreams. I ask that they honour the blessing of Couchsurfing and give it the time and attention it requires. Couchsurfing is a platform that enables the dream of travelling the world to a large extent. Many people rely on hosts along the way to provide ease on their journeys. That's a wonderful thing.  And Couchsurfing should be acknowledged and appreciated as playing an instrumental role.