No More Lies

Originally, the photos in this post were meant to show off the recycled art and furniture at Rasta Chill's initial location. However, I had to swap the original photos in the post with a replacement. Right now, it's not my intention to bring attention to the recycled art at all. Instead, it's my intention to write about the truth. All truths are half truths and everything I write here is based on my own experience. To get the full picture, the full story, we'd need to have all sides come together and tell their part of the story. However, I don't think that will happen anytime soon because not everybody seems to be interested in the truth. A lot of lies were spoken and I am writing with the intention to clear my side of the story. This is what happened as I witnessed it.

It was on June 18 that I first posted about DJing at Rasta Chill. Ever since then, the words that were used by others and the stories they told have changed dramatically. This is the first part of the lie. Initially, my music was praised by many to be different, unique, and original. A lot of people expressed their positivity towards my music in the last three months. Neng, the owner of the bar, was one of those people. In fact, he made me believe he liked the music a lot. He always encouraged me to play anything I wanted. He would introduce me to others by saying "This is my DJ!" He would always talk about how I was going to be the house DJ once the high season came along. We're a few weeks away from the start of the high season and the narrative has changed completely.

Also during the quiet three months I spent DJing at the bar, Neng always promised he'd start paying me once we reached the high season. He always emphasized the fact that he didn't have much money at the time but that he wanted to pay me as soon as business picks up. This plus being told my music was unique and unlike any other DJ's made me think that it was going to be a great time once high season came along. 

What happened this past weekend was strange. It was like all of the things that were promised were cut out of the agreement. A new agreement was made, one that was quite the contrary to the narrative I was used to hearing for the past three months. This past Saturday, we returned back to Ko Lanta from a week spent in Rattapoom. It was around 6pm when we reached the island and I was a bit tired from driving all day. Despite feeling tired, I still wanted to DJ and we ended up going to Rasta Chill at around 8pm.

After eating something quickly, I started to set up shop to DJ. While my computer was loading, Neng and I began chatting. An old German man whom we'll call Uncle Tim for this article was sitting alone at the bar. We'd already said hello upon arrival but this time he thought it was necessary to interrupt our conversation in a loud and abrasive tone to ask me "What are you looking for?!" Neng and I exchanged confused glances and after a bit of silence, I answered by saying "I'm not looking for anything. I've already found it." I wasn't really interested in talking to him at that point because I was more interested in setting up. Neng said that I should stick to reggae that night, which is the first time he tried to direct the music I play. It was a complete change from him telling me to play whatever I wanted as he'd been telling me for the past three months.

It was around this time that Uncle Tim asked Neng for some cigarettes. Neng said he'd be right back and left the bar to step out back. Uncle Tim looked at me and said "This is why I love Thailand. If you have money, you can get anything and people will do anything to help you. People always help someone who has money." I smiled halfheartedly, not wanting to contribute to his madness by saying anything. Plus, my computer was already loaded up.

I started DJing and Uncle Tim thought that he needed to comment on every song I played. At first, it seemed positive because he said he liked the horns in a track I played by The Souljazz Orchestra. Then, his abrasiveness came back into the picture as he started telling me "Simple. Keep it simple! It's too complex." He said something about me playing complex jazz whereas I should keep it simple. "I haven't played any jazz though," I answered. I was playing a funk and soul track by Cymande, one that Rasta Chill had heard me play on numerous occasions. One of the last things Uncle Tim said to me was "I'm just trying to help you." I looked up to smile at him as my way of saying thanks but no thanks but he was avoiding my gaze.

Eventually Uncle Tim and everyone else left and I stopped playing. Neng and I started talking about music. He started telling me that he's going to be hiring bands and other DJs during the high season. When I asked about my place in all of that, he said that there would probably be a night in the week where I could come and spin. He talked about his financial situation being critical and how he couldn't take any risks this high season. He continued by saying that he needs to hire more experienced and well known DJs so that they can attract bigger crowds. He talked about a particular DJ with whom he wanted to get in touch. The funny thing is, he had spoken to me about that DJ before, telling me that he was a bit crazy. In fact, Neng used the word 'crazy' to describe many people since we'd met. I sometimes wondered when he'd start calling me crazy and apparently there would be a time and place for that too.

That night, he also tried to tell me that I should choose one style and stick to that. I was always so excited about mixing world music with reggae. Some of those African and Brazilian beats mixed nicely with reggae. And I had received a lot of praise from him and others about the music I played. Now he was telling a different story. He said that a Swedish man with long hair came and told him that my music wanted to put him to sleep. I've only met one Swedish guy while playing who had also came to praise my music for being unique and unlike what other DJs play. If it was the same guy, then I think some people on the island are suffering from the sickness of being two-faced.

Despite the negative feedback, Neng acted supportive by assuring me I could continue to DJ. In fact, I volunteered to return the following day in order to play some more and develop. He seemed happy to let me come and spin again. We even hugged and shook hands. Throughout the conversation, he had mentioned a few times that I needed to develop. I told him what I'd been telling him and everyone else the whole time: I'm saving up money to buy a DJ controller and other equipment that will free me from using my mouse for everything. With the mouse, you can control one value at a time. With a DJ controller, I'll be able to change and adjust multiple values in order to make the transitions smoother. Neng knew I was saving up for this and he seemed patient and supportive before. However, things were about to change.

That night I couldn't sleep. And in the morning, Ying told me that Neng had messaged him saying that my music "wasn't ok" and that they wouldn't be working with me any longer. In the message, he also asked me to stop by at the bar to pick up some money that he owed me. Actually, he didn't owe me any money. At the beginning of his move to the beachside location, he had asked to borrow 1200 baht to pay for a shipment for which he didn't have the money. I told him that I didn't want to lend any money but that I was willing to give him 1200 baht in return for some baked goods. I was waiting for the baked goods for a long time and I didn't receive what I had paid for. I understood that they were very busy with the new place but even after the opening, all I got were empty promises. "Tomorrow, we'll make you a cake." "In a few days, we're going to make you a cake." "We're an island family!" "It's not about money."

Sunday night, I stopped by at the bar as requested. Nobody else was there but Neng and his wife. We greeted each other and smiled. There was an awkward silence as I waited for him to say something. I was hoping he'd give me an explanation as to the complete change in tone and why he decided to discontinue our partnership. Instead, he just kept quiet, not saying anything. Finally, I said "Ying told me you wanted to give me some money." He confirmed and asked his wife to bring me some money. Then, he explained that he was going to give me 500 baht then and 700 baht at the end of the month, just like his message to Ying that morning also stated. His wife returned and, to my surprise, gave me the full 1200 baht. Then, he continued sitting quietly and not talking. 

"Ying said that you don't like the music I play," I said. He tried to say that that wasn't what he had said but that I needed to develop. Finally, I asked why he didn't just tell me all of this directly and went through Ying instead. He gave me a strange look as if I had said something offensive. "Why are you talking all crazy?!" Finally, I had joined the list of people he considers crazy. "You don't understand me," he started to continue before I stopped him. "No, Neng. It's not that I don't understand you. I just want to know why you didn't talk to me directly. We were talking yesterday night. You could've just told me then but why did you go through Ying?"

"Last night, you were rude to a customer! He came back today and said that you talked rudely to him while I was away." This is a lie as the sad uncle and I only had one exchange when Neng wasn't there and that was when he was telling me about how money can buy you the world in Thailand. Whether Uncle Tim lied to Neng about my conduct or whether Neng made it up, I don't know. And it's not really the point because that's when I realized he's not telling me the truth. He hadn't been telling me the truth the whole time. I tried to deny that I was being rude but quickly realized that it's a waste of time to try to convince him otherwise. He was using this as an excuse to let me go. 

Somehow, all of the times I helped him meant nothing anymore. When his home was flooded, I helped him by buying him a 5kg bag of rice. I helped him a little bit with repairs when he was moving to the new location. I took photos and documented the process to provide him with promotional material for his new bar. I designed a menu for them to use at the new bar too. I always gave food to Panda, his dog, when she came over. One night, Panda was lost and I helped him look for her. And not to mention the fact that I've been a sound and soul provider for his bar every Saturday and some Sundays ever since we met three months ago. All of this goes to show that I wasn't just trying to be his DJ but also his friend. 

He could've said, for example, "Look EG, the high season is coming around and I need more experienced DJs to bring in the crowds. It's not personal. It's a business decision. I can't work with you anymore but I wish you the best as a DJ. I'm sure you can find other opportunities on the island." I would've appreciated the honesty. Instead, I was met with lies and that's why I felt it to be important to share my own uncorrupted version of what happened. All this time he was praising my music and my DJing. What happened so suddenly that he changed his word completely? A few opinions from others seemed to be enough to sway his own appreciation for the music.

I said sorry and left his bar that night and went home. I had mixed feelings. One was that of confusion and a lack of clarity. The other was one of gladness. I don't want to work with anyone who doesn't tell the truth. I don't need the people around me to paint pretty pictures with their words and create illusions. I want people who tell me the truth even if it's ugly. I want to work with someone who believes in developing together. I want to DJ somewhere that even when things get bad, people can be adults. I don't need childish promises that go unfulfilled. I need the truth.

I can't make anyone believe anything and I think the best thing is not to believe in anything. What I offered here is my version of what happened but I'm aware that it's not the full story. Of course, I'd love to find out more about the real reasons Neng decided to part ways. However, I don't trust him or anyone to deliver the actual truth. Those who build their home on a foundation of lies will suffer the consequences. I prefer not to DJ at all rather than to support someone's illusion of lies. Truth is more important than people realize. They have yet to wake up and open their eyes. 

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