Couchsurfing Communication
Dear couchsurfers,
welcome to my blog. I don't keep up on my blog with every single couchsurfer who came through. But overall, some great new friends have passed on through. There are other CS updates happening as well.
Arul, a friend I met through the CS app, moved out of his dorm and opened up his couch to travellers. Previously unable to host, now he takes in guests regularly. He told me about a pair he hosted in his home. They were loud and arguing in the middle of the night. He also expressed his desire to not leave them a reference. He said that, there would be very few good things he could write about them and most of it would be left to the negativity dragged in.
I am finding in my own life that it becomes easier to deal with negativity when you express it somehow. For me, writing it out onto this blog or a notebook would help me to see the problem in a certain way that it ceases to become a problem. This is a kind of problem solving. One of my favourite quotes from the Tao Te Ching is this quote: "Stop thinking and end your problems." The suggestion is clear. Problems are created by ourselves. We choose to call it a problem when we could be calling it a challenge, an obstacle, a curve ball, a didn't-see-that-coming! And so by shifting your perspective in relation to the situation ends the alleged problem. But problems are real. And they're here to help us grow.
A while back, I wrote a piece about a couchsurfer who I felt was being an unfair and angry critic in his reference. Writing that post out helped me to express myself to him and others. But it hit the target to just be able to get it out and reach myself about it. And it helped me clarify my own focus around it. I suggested to Arul that he can write about it in his blog in order to get it out. Also because I would have liked someone to tell me as well.
Had that critic of a couchsurfer been able to express his dislikes or irritation to me while we were together for 2 days, I would have wanted to talk to him about it. I understand that something didn't go according to his desires but why wait so long to tell me? Communication was required to bridge the gap. One good example of that kind of open communication was Mike.
I hosted Mike for 4 days. He had stayed with Arul before me and Arga before him. They introduced me to him. We had a good coming together at first. But as I hosted Mike for more days, some of his attitudes and habits came into focus. Afterall you are living with somebody in close quarters. You observe. With Mike, we ran into some wavy waters but our strategy together was to communicate it out. I opened up to him about a few things I observed and he told me his own take on those things. And that, in turn, both helped him express how he truly feels and me to understand the situation around it. We reached a soul-ution and communication was the key.
And it makes me think. People need kindness. Before I learned about Mike's own approach, I was more likely to slam it. But upon finding out his thoughts, I realized I was put in a position where I could help. And for that kindness was the way. Communication opens the doors and windows of our house but kindness opens up the heart like the roof opened up.
I appreciated Mike's ability to be real with himself and be willing to accept feedback and use it immediately. He is also somebody who speaks Thai very well so his potential for communication is great. He is one of the few expats living out here who not only took the time to learn the language but also learn it well.
There was another time I remember now in which I was with a friend, also a surfer, who was staying with me one more time. We took it upon ourselves to co-host another traveller coming in. And by the end of his experience, this new traveller needed to listen and take in some information we wanted to tell him. After our revelation, he thanked us for opening up to him about it. Had we kept it behind his back, there would be no improvement to grow.
So yes, I would have liked to have a talk like that before he left - the one who left me a bitter reference. Imagine having him come out with his discomfort directly to me and having heard my side of the story too. Acting like nothing was bothering him isn't a soul-ution because I was under the impression everything was cool. We were relaxing and having good vibes. I was. And please let me know if there's something I need to hear.
I realize there are cultural associations that are tied to it. Arul said this himself but I will explain in my own words. I come from an environment where we were told by our family and friends that we should confront people and situations. But it was also a recurring experiment with truth. In eastern cultures, it's not always the same. Thai people have told me that they are more direct than westerners. In some cases, that is so. But in others, they can be quiet and let things pass, thus practicing indirectness. Part of their consideration is kindness. It may seem unkind to tell somebody something so brutally honest. But that honesty should not strike like knives, but be as a subtle nudge.
Arul is from Indonesia. He was talking about reciprocating and being nice. A traveller we met on CS left us references but I was telling him that I didn't feel like leaving one back because it was such a short experience together. It's not about the length of the experience either. I feel I couldn't write anything authentic and true without being direct and expressing how I really felt about her being on her phone a lot. We were playing a game and I realize the game may not be that interesting for someone, but why not take the opportunity to get to know those of us who joined you at that table? Travellers please take enough time away from your phones while you're away. Wasn't that part of the point of you getting away? Why hold that thing in your hand that brings you right back to what you took an excursion away from?
I am curious about your own thoughts. Let's discuss them and thereby let Couchsurfing expand. Feel free to get in touch on here or via the app. I want to express my best wishes for everyone.
Enjoy Your Travels
welcome to my blog. I don't keep up on my blog with every single couchsurfer who came through. But overall, some great new friends have passed on through. There are other CS updates happening as well.
Arul, a friend I met through the CS app, moved out of his dorm and opened up his couch to travellers. Previously unable to host, now he takes in guests regularly. He told me about a pair he hosted in his home. They were loud and arguing in the middle of the night. He also expressed his desire to not leave them a reference. He said that, there would be very few good things he could write about them and most of it would be left to the negativity dragged in.
I am finding in my own life that it becomes easier to deal with negativity when you express it somehow. For me, writing it out onto this blog or a notebook would help me to see the problem in a certain way that it ceases to become a problem. This is a kind of problem solving. One of my favourite quotes from the Tao Te Ching is this quote: "Stop thinking and end your problems." The suggestion is clear. Problems are created by ourselves. We choose to call it a problem when we could be calling it a challenge, an obstacle, a curve ball, a didn't-see-that-coming! And so by shifting your perspective in relation to the situation ends the alleged problem. But problems are real. And they're here to help us grow.
A while back, I wrote a piece about a couchsurfer who I felt was being an unfair and angry critic in his reference. Writing that post out helped me to express myself to him and others. But it hit the target to just be able to get it out and reach myself about it. And it helped me clarify my own focus around it. I suggested to Arul that he can write about it in his blog in order to get it out. Also because I would have liked someone to tell me as well.
Had that critic of a couchsurfer been able to express his dislikes or irritation to me while we were together for 2 days, I would have wanted to talk to him about it. I understand that something didn't go according to his desires but why wait so long to tell me? Communication was required to bridge the gap. One good example of that kind of open communication was Mike.
I hosted Mike for 4 days. He had stayed with Arul before me and Arga before him. They introduced me to him. We had a good coming together at first. But as I hosted Mike for more days, some of his attitudes and habits came into focus. Afterall you are living with somebody in close quarters. You observe. With Mike, we ran into some wavy waters but our strategy together was to communicate it out. I opened up to him about a few things I observed and he told me his own take on those things. And that, in turn, both helped him express how he truly feels and me to understand the situation around it. We reached a soul-ution and communication was the key.
And it makes me think. People need kindness. Before I learned about Mike's own approach, I was more likely to slam it. But upon finding out his thoughts, I realized I was put in a position where I could help. And for that kindness was the way. Communication opens the doors and windows of our house but kindness opens up the heart like the roof opened up.
I appreciated Mike's ability to be real with himself and be willing to accept feedback and use it immediately. He is also somebody who speaks Thai very well so his potential for communication is great. He is one of the few expats living out here who not only took the time to learn the language but also learn it well.
There was another time I remember now in which I was with a friend, also a surfer, who was staying with me one more time. We took it upon ourselves to co-host another traveller coming in. And by the end of his experience, this new traveller needed to listen and take in some information we wanted to tell him. After our revelation, he thanked us for opening up to him about it. Had we kept it behind his back, there would be no improvement to grow.
So yes, I would have liked to have a talk like that before he left - the one who left me a bitter reference. Imagine having him come out with his discomfort directly to me and having heard my side of the story too. Acting like nothing was bothering him isn't a soul-ution because I was under the impression everything was cool. We were relaxing and having good vibes. I was. And please let me know if there's something I need to hear.
I realize there are cultural associations that are tied to it. Arul said this himself but I will explain in my own words. I come from an environment where we were told by our family and friends that we should confront people and situations. But it was also a recurring experiment with truth. In eastern cultures, it's not always the same. Thai people have told me that they are more direct than westerners. In some cases, that is so. But in others, they can be quiet and let things pass, thus practicing indirectness. Part of their consideration is kindness. It may seem unkind to tell somebody something so brutally honest. But that honesty should not strike like knives, but be as a subtle nudge.
Arul is from Indonesia. He was talking about reciprocating and being nice. A traveller we met on CS left us references but I was telling him that I didn't feel like leaving one back because it was such a short experience together. It's not about the length of the experience either. I feel I couldn't write anything authentic and true without being direct and expressing how I really felt about her being on her phone a lot. We were playing a game and I realize the game may not be that interesting for someone, but why not take the opportunity to get to know those of us who joined you at that table? Travellers please take enough time away from your phones while you're away. Wasn't that part of the point of you getting away? Why hold that thing in your hand that brings you right back to what you took an excursion away from?
I am curious about your own thoughts. Let's discuss them and thereby let Couchsurfing expand. Feel free to get in touch on here or via the app. I want to express my best wishes for everyone.
Enjoy Your Travels
Arul, Mike, Egemen, Dia, Uli, Arga
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